Monday, January 14, 2008


So there I was sitting on the couch watching the football game and picking my teeth. And as I tried to get a piece of parsley or something out of my front bracket my nail got caught by the edge of the metal and was just enough to break the bond. Who knew? So I went in and saw my favorite technician Kira to get it fixed and viola. Lesson learned. Don't pick at your braces with your fingernails.

Thursday, January 10, 2008


Before I went in to get my orthodontic decorations on Monday, I measured the gap at 4.1mm.
Today it's at 3.4mm.
That seems fast to me. I love it.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Tinsel Teeth

Let's get this gravy train a' rollin'. I'm not sure exactly what to say about having braces again. The word "again" seems to be a recurring theme though. Throughout the appointment I found myself reassuring the technicians that I'd been through this once and I really didn't feel any of it was a big deal. Not that it's not a big deal but in the "I'm-ready-for-this-and-barring-any-dramatic-changes-in-orthodontic-technology-you're-probably-not-going-to-surprise-me-with-what-you're-about-to-do-to-my-mouth" kind of way. I think I said "yeah I remember that/those" about 157 times. I've got a section of power chain between my 1's and lips naturally red enough to make a young Donna Reed jealous.

For the uninitiated, the 80 minute appointment went something like this:

-Accept jaw-opening cheek-spreader into mouth. Gag as necessary.

-Dry teeth and prep with some chemical applied via syringe.

-Apply brackets onto what I can only assume is at first a gooey substance.

-The orthodontist tweaks each bracket individually.

-Zap with Beeping Blue Light Zapper Gun (R) to cure adhesive.

I was then immediately transported to my 7th grade self that consciously covered my braces as much as possible and hesitated to smile openly. (Now that I'm cocky as a farmer's alarm clock I imagine I'm gonna get over that crap really quickly.)

So that's about it. You can go on to bed children and know that when you get your braces it won't hurt and it'll just take a couple days to get used to them.


Now, run along.

Sweet dreams.




Are all the kids out of the room? Great. Because I have to know, when everyone else was having their brackets bonded did it smell STUNNINGLY like marijuana? It couldn't possibly be just me.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Stubborn, Table for One

Happy New Year everybody. I hope your holidays were as fruitful and drama-free as mine.

I had my 6-week follow-up with The Chainsaw this morning. I've been eating psuedo normally for two weeks now so I didn't expect him to tell me anything profound. Pretzels are still out of reach but the rest of my diet is for the most part status quo.

I did have one thing to ask about before we parted ways for 12-18 months though. See, I've been invited to play on a hockey team that's playing in a tournament in late March.

In Europe.

Needless to say, I'd kick myself forever if I had to miss this opportunity. I explained how it's a non-checking tournament so I don't have to worry about being laid out in the middle of the ice, and that I wear a full face shield with my helmet. And let me tell you, no matter how much wheeling and dealing I did Dr.Tawfilis was not happy about the idea. He said that if my jaw wasn't protected it could be "disastrous." Which begs the question, "How disastrous exactly?" He said in that event it could require another surgery to straighten things out.

Now at this point I'm thinking I've already gone through one surgery and have another one slated. So why would the thought of one more deter me? In his exact words he said I could play "if your jaw is protected." Well I can't think of any way to further protect my jaw than what I play with now.

So I'm going to play in the 14th Annual World Amateur Tournament in Klasterec, Czech Republic.

And I get my braces on Monday.