PT Checkup

Went in yesterday and The Chainsaw seemed impressed. Two weeks ago I left his office maxing out at 17 tongue depressors and now I'm up to 21. There are only 25 in the stack he gave me. That equals about 40mm which is supposedly an average opening for an adult. He asked if I wanted his help getting the last four out of the way and naturally I respectfully declined. I like the pace I'm going at on my own thank you very much. I go back in in four weeks and should have the whole stack taken care of without a doubt. By then the bone graft should be pretty well healed and we'll discuss getting the implant, well, implanted. So it was a good day. I'm starting to feel recovered. Eating is pretty much normal now and I'm giddy when I can cut through food with my front teeth. Swelling I think is all gone, still a little numbness but nothing distracting. And if I wasn't so involved with my car right now (stripping/rebuilding engine/restoring my '66 mustang) I'd be back to playing hockey. Still no pictures posted though because I'm a little lazy, and I need a haircut terribly.

Short Lived

Well it didn't last long but this is what the Wiki said,

"Zip-N-Squeeze is a company that makes bags for drinking food post jaw surgery. Despite being well known, they are a fraudulent company and should not be supported."

Wiki

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zip-N-Squeeze

Ha. Take that. Bastards.

Hope

Okay, I over reacted. Things are getting better. I can reach my tongue depressor goal with less and less pain every day. Everything is ok.

That first day really hurt though! *shrug*

Crybaby

This morning I saw The Chainsaw. He took off the rubberbands (as promised) and began to torture me (as promised.) And after my short jaunt into I-want-to-curl-up-into-a-ball-and-escape-this-world-Land I brushed my teeth and was ready to go. Free of elastic tyranny. With a couple hours to kill before my appointment with Dr.Styrt I thought breakfast from a plate instead of a cup would be a wonderful idea. Buckwheat pancakes and scrambled eggs for me, thank you. It was delicious. I had to take it slow though. Little pieces, little bites. I realized I wouldn't be eating a cheeseburger just yet today.
Everyone at the ortho office was happy to see me and loved the results so far. They brought up my initial exam photos for a quick comparison and it's pretty stunning. My tech Kira snipped the surgical hooks off and before I knew it I was banded shut again.

Wait, what? Crap.

I knew they'd be putting rubberbands on again but I thought I'd be able to open my mouth with them on. No such luck. But at least I can take them off to eat and brush and perform what feels like and oral equivalent of hari kari. Which brings me to my main topic for the day.

Physical Therapy hurts. It hurts a lot. Do not be fooled. I don't know why it seems like no one mentions this part in their blogs. Have I not been paying attention? I'd like to think I'm a pretty tough guy but I dunno. Seventeen tongue depressors later and I'm a weeping twit. Seriously. It's a rare day on earth that I shed a tear, but this is the most painful thing I've ever endured. I thought it would get better by talking and eating and yawning without the elastic restraints, but that thought went out the window with the new rubberbands today. I see the Chainsaw in two weeks. We'll have to see how things pan out.

Last Night

I dreamt I was eating a giant plate of nachos.

Tomorrow these dreaded rubberbands come off!

Fuck Zip-N-Squeeze

Long story short, I'm stubborn and didn't think I'd need Zip-n-squeeze bags. I figured the hospital would provide me with anything I needed. The problem with the syringes they give you is they can't handle anything even moderately chunky. The hole is just too small for anything but actual liquid. So I order a 4-banger of the large food oriented bags. They haven't shown up yet. So I called yesterday for a refund, no biggie. Well yesterday their voicemail was full. Today the number has been disconnected. And their email through which I sent my payment, defunct. So please excuse my language but after all this I just don't have the decorum to hold back.

Fuck them.

Fuck them right in the ear.